when will jesus bring the pork chops

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When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops

Author : George Carlin
ISBN : 9781401381714
Genre : Humor
File Size : 89. 74 MB
Format : PDF, ePub, Mobi
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On the heels of George Carlin's #1 New York Times bestseller Napalm & Silly Putty comes When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?--infused with Carlin's trademark irreverent humor and biting cultural observations. Here we go again . . . George Carlin's hilarious When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? offers his cutting-edge opinions and observational humor on everything from evasive euphemistic language to politicians to the media to dead people. Nothing and no one is safe! Despite the current climate of political correctness, Carlin is not afraid to take on controversial topics: Carlin on the media: The media comprises equal parts business, politics, advertising, public relations, and show business. Nice combination. Enough bull for Texas to open a chain of branch offices. Carlin on the battle of the sexes: Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. Carlin on hygiene: When did they pass a law that says the people who make my sandwich have to be wearing gloves? I'm not comfortable with this. I don't want glove residue all over my food; it's not sanitary. Who knows where these gloves have been? Carlin on evasive language: Just to demonstrate how far using euphemisms in language has gone, some psychologists are now actually referring to ugly people as those with "severe appearance deficits." Hey, Doctor. How's that for "denial"? Carlin on politics: No self-respecting politician would ever admit to working in the government. They prefer to think of themselves "serving the nation." To help visualize the service they provide the country, you may wish to picture the things that take place on a stud farm. The thinking person's comic who uses words as weapons, Carlin puts voice to issues that capture the modern imagination. For instance, why are there Ten Commandments? Are UFOs real? What will the future really be like? This brand-new collection tackles all that and more. In When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? Carlin's razor-sharp observations demolish everyday values and leave you laughing out loud--delivering exactly what his countless fans have been waiting for.

When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops

Author : George Carlin
ISBN : 140130821X
Genre : Humor
File Size : 39. 56 MB
Format : PDF, Mobi
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Now in paperback, the New York Times bestseller that takes readers on a riotous journey through the mind of one of America's premier comics George Carlin's legendary irreverence and iconoclasm are on full display in When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops as he vainly scours the American landscape for signs of intelligence in his third national bestseller. Ranging from his absurdist side (Message from a Cockroach; TV News: The Death of Humpty Dumpty; Tips for Serial Killers) to his unerring ear for American speech (Politician Talk; Societal Clichs; Euphemisms: 13 sections) to his unsparing views on America and its values (War, God, Stuff Like That; Zero Tolerance; Tired of the Handi-crap), Carlin delivers everything that his fans expect, and then adds a few surprises. Carlin on the battle of the sexes: Here's all you have to know about men and women: Women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.

When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops

Author : George Carlin
ISBN : 9781401381714
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 42. 43 MB
Format : PDF, Docs
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He is reckless, bold, dangerous . . . Men envy him, women desire him . . . And one woman wants her revenge. Claire Ashcroft has good reason to despise Viscount Grayson Sutherland. A wildly unpredictable man with a frightening reputation, Sutherland is responsible for a death that deeply pains her. She'd kill him if she could. Instead, she'll employ her feminine wiles to make him pay. And once he's deeply, irreversibly in love with her, she'll shatter his vulnerable heart. Her scheme works perfectly . . . too perfectly.

Napalm Silly Putty

Author : George Carlin
ISBN : 9780786871599
Genre : Humor
File Size : 43. 37 MB
Format : PDF, ePub
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A hilarious new collection of razor-sharp observations from the New York Times bestselling author of Brain Droppings. Few comics make the transition from stage to page as smoothly or successfully as George Carlin. Brain Droppings spent a total of 40 weeks on the New York Times bestseller list, and this new one is certain to tickle even more ribs (and rattle a few more cages) with its characteristically ironic take on life's annoying universal truths. In Napalm & Silly Putty, Carlin doesn't steer clear of the tough issues, preferring instead to look life boldly in the eye to pose the questions few dare to ask: How can it be a spy satellite if they announce on TV that it's a spy satellite? Why do they bother saying "raw sewage"? Do some people cook that stuff? In the expression "topsy-turvy," what exactly is meant by "turvy"? And he makes some startling observations, including: Most people with low self-esteem have earned it. Guys don't seem to be called "Lefty" anymore. Most people don't know what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. Carlin also waxes wickedly philosophical on all sorts of subjects, including: KIDS--They're not all cute. In fact, if you look at them closely, some of them are rather unpleasant looking. And a lot of them don't smell too good either. DEATH ROW--If you're condemned to die they have to give you one last meal of your own request. What is that all about? A group of people plan to kill you, so they want you to eat something you like? Add to the mix "The Ten Most Embarrassing Songs of All Time," "The 20th Century Hostility Scoreboard," and "People I Can Do Without," and you have an irresistibly insouciant assortment of musings, questions, assertions, and assumptions guaranteed to please the millions of fans waiting for the next Carlin collection--and the millions more waiting to discover this comic genius.

3 X Carlin

Author : George Carlin
ISBN : 1401302432
Genre : Humor
File Size : 68. 98 MB
Format : PDF, Kindle
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A perfectly gift-able, perfectly cynical, slipcased omnibus of George Carlin's trademark irreverence--including bonus never-before-published material. For four decades, George Carlin has been one of America's favorite comics, known as much for his willingness to take on taboo subjects as for his absurdist wordplay. As an author, he has proved equally popular: With combined sales of more than two million copies, Carlin's three books of razor-sharp and hilarious observations have topped bestseller lists nationwide. Now, just in time for the holidays, Hyperion proudly collects all three volumes--When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?, Napalm and Silly Putty, and Brain Droppings--into one hilarious omnibus, a slipcased edition that also includes new material.

Brain Droppings

Author : George Carlin
ISBN : 0786883219
Genre : Humor
File Size : 49. 3 MB
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The veteran comic shares some thoughts, musings, questions, lists, beliefs, curiosities, monologues, assumptions, and assertions about the follies of modern life

The Gift Of The Magi Diversion Classics

Author : O. Henry
ISBN : 9781682301746
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 48. 59 MB
Format : PDF
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Featuring an appendix of discussion questions, the Diversion Classics edition is ideal for use in book groups and classrooms. One of O. Henry's most-loved short stories, THE GIFT OF THE MAGI is perfect for the holiday season. In this heartwarming tale, a young couple of limited means contemplates buying Christmas gifts for each other, with unexpected results.

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